You Know You're Ghetto When.....(Reasons1-150)

1. THERE'S REUSABLE BACON GREASE IN A MAXWELL HOUSE CAN IN THE CENTER OF THE BURNERS ON YOUR STOVE.
2. TURNING UP THE HEAT MEANS TURNING ON ANOTHER BURNER ON THE STOVE.
3. THE BATTERIES IN YOUR REMOTE CONTROL ARE HELD IN PLACE WITH A PIECE OF TAPE.
4. YOU HAVE PROJECT HEAT. (NOTE: THIS MEANS THAT YOU HAVE TO OPEN YOUR WINDOW IN THE WINTER.)
5. SOMETHING SMELLS SPOILED IN THE REFRIGERATOR, AND ALL YOU DO IS CHANGE THE BOX OF ARM & HAMMER BAKING SODA.
6. YOUR DRINKING GLASSES USED TO BE JELLY JARS.
7. YOUR FURNITURE IS COVERED IN PLASTIC.
8. YOU RUN TO GET POTS AS SOON AS IT RAINS.
9. THE ROACHES IN YOUR HOUSE ONLY COME OUT WHEN COMPANY COMES.
10. YOU STILL REFER TO YOUR STEREO AS THE HI-FI.
11. YOU REFER TO YOUR DRESSER AS "THE BUREAU."
12. YOU REFER TO THE REFRIGERATOR AS AN ICEBOX.
13. THE BACK OF YOUR TOILET SEAT IS ALWAYS OFF, AND YOU KNOW HOW TO MANUALLY FLUSH IT.
14. YOU HAVE MORE THAN TEN USES FOR VASELINE, AND ONE OF THEM IS SHOE POLISH.
15. YOU DON'T THINK YOU'RE CLEAN UNLESS THERE IS VISIBLE BABY POWDER ON YOUR NECK AND CHEST, AND YOU AIN'T EVEN NO BABY.
16. THE HEELS OF YOUR FEET LOOK LIKE YOU'VE BEEN KICKING FLOUR.
17. YOUR COLLAR IS STILL UP.
18. YOU WEAR ANY OF THE FOLLOWING: BRUTE, HAI KARATE, JEAN NATE, OLD SPICE, CHLOE, ENGLISH LEATHER, CHARLIE, FABERGE'
19. YOU USE TUSSY.
20. YOU USE BLACK EYE LINER TO LINE YOUR LIPS.
21. YOUR LIPSTICK MATCHES YOUR CLOTHES.
22. YOU HAVE ROLLS IN THE BACK OF YOUR NECK.
23. YOU WEAR YOUR SHOWER CAP EVERYWHERE BUT IN THE SHOWER.
24. YOU DRY-CLEAN YOUR WASHABLE CLOTHING (E.G., JEANS, T-SHIRTS, BASEBALL JERSEY, ETC.).
25. YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TO THE DENTIST.
26. YOU CLEAN YOUR TEETH WITH A MATCHBOOK OR BUSINESS CARD.
27. YOU CLEAN YOUR EARS WITH A BOBBY PIN, KEY, OR INK PEN CAP.
28. YOU WEAR YOUR CLOTHES WITH A TAG ON THEM.
29. THE ONLY ART YOU OWN IS ON YOUR FINGERNAILS.
30. YOU GO TO THE BEAUTY SHOP FOR A PRESS AND CURL.
31. YOU'VE EVER WAITED SEVERAL HOURS IN A SALON TO GET YOUR HAIR DONE AND YOU HAD AN APPOINTMENT.
32. YOUR DAUGHTER IS UNDER SIXTEEN AND HAS EXTENSIONS.
33. YOU PERM YOUR THREE-YEAR-OLD'S HAIR.
34. YOU HAVE TO PUT A TOWEL ON YOUR FURNITURE SO THAT YOUR CURL ACTIVATOR WON'T STAIN IT.
35. YOU REFER TO THE HAIR AT THE NAPE OF YOUR NECK AS YOUR "KITCHEN."
36. YOU STILL THINK THERE'S SUCH A THING AS "GOOD" OR "BAD" HAIR. (NOTE: IT'S NOT THE HAIR, IT'S THE BRAIN UNDER IT)
37. YOUR BABY HAS A BOW OR BARRETTE ON HER ONE STRAND OF HAIR.
38. YOU NEVER LEARNED TO SWIM BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T GET YOUR HAIR WET.
39. YOUR CHILD THINKS HIS REAL NAME IS LITTLE MAN.
40. YOU CHANGED YOUR FIRST NAME 'CAUSE YOU SAID IT WAS THE WHITE MAN'S, BUT KEPT YOUR LAST NAME YOUR REAL SLAVE NAME.
41. YOU HAVE TROUBLE SPELLING YOUR CHILDREN'S NAMES, AND YOU NAMED THEM.
42. YOU WEIGH MORE THAN THREE HUNDRED POUNDS, BUT YOU CLAIM THAT YOU CAN'T EAT EVERYBODY ELSE'S FOOD.
43. YOU'VE EVER DROPPED ANYTHING AND KISSED IT UP TO GOD BEFORE YOU ATE IT.
44. YOU PAGE YOURSELF.
45. YOU'RE LATE FOR EVERYTHING, AND YOU TRY TO ACT LIKE IT'S A CULTURAL EXPRESSION.
46. YOUR MOTHER CLEANED FLOORS TO EDUCATE YOU, AND NOW YOU THINK THAT YOU'RE BETTER THAN HER.
47. YOU WEAR FLIP-FLOPS OUTSIDE THE HOUSE.
48. YOU'RE KNOWN FOR ROLLING ANY OF THE FOLLOWING: YOUR NECK, YOUR EYES, YOUR R'S, OR YOUR WRIST.
49. YOU'VE EVER REFERRED TO THE WIND AS THE HAWK.
50. YOU ADD "ED" OR "T" TO THE END OF A WORD THAT'S ALREADY IN THE PAST TENSE (E.G., TOOKED, LIGHT-SKINNEDED, KILT, RUINT).
51. THE PERSON YOU'RE SPEAKING TO DOESN'T SPEAK ANY ENGLISH AND YOU JUST TALK LOUDER.
52. YOU TALK LOUD ON THE PHONE BECAUSE IT'S LONG DISTANCE.
53. YOU'VE EVER REFERRED TO ANYTHING AS ONE OF THE FOLLOWING: DO-HICKEY, THING-A-MA-JIG, WHOSEYWHATS, WHATCHAMACALLIT.


YOU USE BUT MISPRONOUNCE THESE WORDS:


54. AMBALAMPS-AMBULANCE
55. SKRIMPS OR STRIMPS-SHIRIMP (NOTE: THERE IS NO "S" ON THE END).
56. PACIFIC VS. SPECIFIC (NOTE: THESE ARE NOT INTERCHANGEABLE. IN ORDER TO DETERMINE WHICH IS APPROPRIATE, LISTEN TO CLUES SUCH AS REFERENCES TO LARGE BODIES OF WATER, AS OPPOSED TO THAT BODY OF WATER.)
57. SKREET-STREET
58. AXE-ASK
59. LOOK DEAD-LOOKED
60. MEMBER-OF OR PERTAINING TO A RECOLLECTION (E.G., YA'LL MEMBER THE TIME...?)
61. SPISKETTIS-SPAGHETTI
62. ZINC-SINK
63. ALBLUMS-WHAT WE USED BEFORE CD'S
64. SHOWLIZ-THAT SURE IS
65. WAYMENT-WAIT A MINUTE
66. NEM-CONTRACTION FOR AND THEM (E.G., I CAN'T WAIT 'TIL MARQUITA NEM GET HERE.)
67. YOU PUT FINGERNAIL POLISH ON PANTYHOSE TO KEEP A RUN FROM GETTING WORSE.
68. YOU BUY YOUR STOCKINGS AT THE SAME PLACE YOU DO YOUR GROCERY SHOPPING.
69. THE BEST PAIR OF SHOES YOU OWN ARE SNEAKERS.
70. YOU WEAR COLORED CONTACTS. PERIOD.
71. YOU WEAR A WATCH THAT YOU KNOW DOESN'T WORK.
72. YOU HAVE MORE SHOES THAN YOU HAVE BOOKS.
73. YOU THINK OF FATBACK AS A SOURCE OF NUTRITION. (NOTE: THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS LOW-FAT FATBACK.)
74. YOU USE SALT BEFORE YOU TASTE YOUR FOOD.
75. YOU USE CATSUP ON ANYTHING OTHER THAN A HOT DOG, FRENCH FRIES, OR HAMBURGERS.
76. YOU GOT ANGRY WHEN THE GOVERNMENT STOPPED THE CHEESE PROGRAM.
77. EVERY TIME YOU HAVE MACARONI AND CHEESE, YOU FEEL A NEED TO COMMENT ON HOW NOTHING MAKES IT BETTER THAN "THE GOBMENT CHEESE."
78. YOU KNOW HOW TO MELT GOVERNMENT CHEESE.
79. YOU'RE ALWAYS EATING AT OTHER PEOPLE'S HOUSES, BUT YOU NEVER BRING ANYTHING.
80. YOU EVER THOUGHT THAT COFFEE WOULD MAKE YOU BLACK.
81. YOU PUT YOUR SALTED PEANUTS IN THE BOTTOM OF YOUR COCA-COLA.
82. YOU EAT COUGH DROPS LIKE THEY'RE CANDY.
83. YOU EAT OATMEAL BECAUSE IT STICKS TO YOUR RIBS ON A COLD DAY.
84. YOU POP OR CRACK YOUR GUM.
85. YOU'RE AT CHURCH AND PEOPLE CAN TELL WHAT YOU'LL BE HAVING FOR DINNER FROM THE SMELL OF YOUR COAT.
86. YOU EAT CHITTERLINGS, PERIOD
. 87. YOU EAT THESE GHETTO SNACKS: PORK RINDS, CHITTERLINGS, MOONPIES WITH COKE, PISTACHIOS, SUNFLOWER SEEDS, PUMPKIN SEEDS, LICORICE, SALT 'N VINEGAR CHIPS, NOW 'N LATERS, JUICE-FILLED WAX, PIXIE STIX, TWISTERS, BOM POPS, PUSH-UPS, MARY JANES, LEMON HEADS, BOSTON BAKED BEANS, MR. SOFTEE, REDHOTS, FREEZPOPS, CHICK O STIX, SNOWBALLS, JIFFY POPS, CHEEZ WHIZ, POP-TARTS, CANDY STUCK TO PAPER, BLOWPOPS, CANDY NECKLACES, JAWBREAKERS, SUGAR DADDY, SUGAR MAMA, SUGARBABIES.
88. YOU DRINK THESE GHETTO BEVERAGES: YOO-HOO, MALT LIQUOR, TAHITIAN TREAT, SUGAR WATER, FANTA ORANGE, RED KOOL- AID, RED DOG, ANYTHING RED, .99 A GALLON ANYTHING, TAB, FRESCA, WATER ICE, STRAWBERRY SODA, PINEAPPLE SODA, CREAM SODA.
89. THE REAR WINDOW OF YOUR CAR IS FILLED WITH STUFFED ANIMALS.

90. YOU HAVE A CRACK ACROSS YOUR FRONT WINDSHIELD AND YOU NEVER BOTHERTO GET IT FIXED. 91. YOUR CAR COST MORE THAN YOUR HOUSE.
92. YOU DRIVE AROUND ON THE DONUT, MONTHS AFTER THE FLAT HAPPENED.
93. ANY OF THE FOLLOWING IS YOUR FAVORITE CAR: CADDY, GREMLIN, HORNET, LINCOLN, PACER, PINTO.
94. YOU CAN LEARN THE LATEST DANCES FROM YOUR CHURCH CHOIR.
95. THE OFFERING PLATE AT YOUR CHURCH GOES AROUND FIVE TIMES.
96. THE ANNOUNCEMENTS AT YOUR CHURCH ARE LONGER THAN THE SERMON.
97. EITHER THE BRIDE OR GROOM SINGS A SOLO TO EACH OTHER, OR BOTH.
98. NOBODY IN THE WEDDING CAN REALLY FIT IN HER DRESS, INCLUDING THE BRIDE.
99. THE RECEPTION MEAL WAS COOKED BY THE BRIDE'S MOTHER.
100. THERE ARE MORE GUEST AT THE RECEPTION THAN THERE WERE AT THE WEDDING.
101. THERE ARE MORE PEOPLE IN THE WEDDING THAN THERE ARE IN THE AUDIENCE.
102. EVERYBODY'S EXES WERE INVITED, BECAUSE THEY'RE ALL REMARRIED TO SOMEBODY ELSE IN THE FAMILY.
103. YOUR WEDDING DRESS IS ALSO A MATERNITY DRESS.
104. YOUR WEDDING MARCH IS ACTUALLY A MARCH.
105. YOU SING GHETTO WEDDING SONGS: "ALWAYS AND FOREVER," "I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU," "YOU AND I," "WIND BENEATH MY WINGS," "HERE AND NOW," "RIBBON IN THE SKY," "FOR ALWAYS."
106. THE DECEASED AND HIS WIDOW ARE WEARING MATCHING OUTFITS.
107. SOMEONE TRIES TO CLIMB IN THE COFFIN.
108. MORE THAN ONE PERSON THINKS THAT HE IS THE CURRENT SPOUSE OF THE DECEASED.
109. THE MAJORITY OF THE FLOWERS AT THE BURIAL SITE ARE PLASTIC, AND/OR TAKEN BACK THE FOLLOWING DAY.
110. THE SERVICE LASTS FOR HALF A DAY.
111. POLAROID SHOTS ARE BEING TAKEN OF THE DECEASED.
112. NO ONE KNEW THE DECEASED BY HIS REAL NAME. ("WHO'S RAVON WILLIAMS III, I THOUGHT HIS NAME WAS BOOKIE.")
113. MOST OF THE MOURNERS COMMENT THAT THE DECEASED DIDN'T LOOK THAT GOOD WHEN HE WAS ALIVE.
114. YOU EVER SAID THAT THE DECEASED HAS "SLIPPED AWAY."
115. YOU GO OUT TO A NIGHTCLUB, BUT YOU STAY OUTSIDE IN FRONT OF THE CLUB.
116. YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS GET YOUR PICTURE TAKEN IN FRONT OF THE WICKER FAN CHAIR.
117. YOU EVER TOOK A BUS TO A NIGHTCLUB.
118. YOU ASK PERFECT STRANGERS TO TAKE A PICTURE WITH YOU, THEN YOU TELL ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS THAT THIS IS SOMEONE YOU ACTUALLY DATED.
119. THE ONLY SONG OF THE NIGHT THAT YOU DANCE TO IS THE ELECTRIC SLIDE.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE GHETTO IF YOU HEAR OR SAY ANY OF THE FOLLOWING PHRASES:


120. WHAT'S YOUR SIGN?
121. RIGHT ABOUT NOW WE'RE GONNA TAKE A PAUSE FOR THE CAUSE.
122. RIGHT ABOUT NOW WE GONNA SLOW IT DOWN JUST A TASTE. 123. IS YOU MARRIED?
124. CAN I GET THOSE 7 DIGITS?
125. YOU KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO "FLOAT ON."
126. YOU HAVE ALL OF KENNY G.'S CDS, BUT NONE OF GERALD ALBRIGHT'S.
127. YOU'VE BEEN TO MORE THAN ONE PLAY WITH THE WORD MAMMA IN THE TITLE.
128. YOU'VE WON A GRAMMY FOR YOUR BITCH AND HO RAP RECORD, AND YOU START YOU ACCEPTANCE SPEECH WITH HE FOLLOWING PHRASE: "FIRST OF ALL,I WANT TO THANK GOD, WHO IS THE HEAD OF MY LIFE."
129. ANY OF THE FOLLOWING IS YOUR FAVORITE GROUP: CLIMAX, THE BROTHERS JOHNSON, THE SILVERS, READY FOR THE WORLD, TINA MARIE, TARVARIS, COMMODORES FIFTH DIMENSION, JACKSONS or THE MICHAEL JACKSON 5/NOT THE JACKSON 5,
130. YOUR CHILDREN'S ONLY FORM OF ENTERTAINMENT IS SINGING IN THE WINDOW FAN.
131. YOUR CHILD DROPS HIS PACIFIER, AND YOU SANITIZE IT BY SUCKING ON IT.
132. YOU CHEW YOUR BABY'S FOOD AND THEN FEED IT TO THEM. (YOU AIN'T NO BIRD. STOP ACTING LIKE ONE.)
133. YOU EVER SENT YOUR CHILDREN TO PICK OUT THEIR OWN SWITCH.
134. YOU'VE EVER BEEN BEATEN WITH AN EXTENSION CORD.
135. YOUR MOTHER SOUNDED LIKE A RAP ARTIST WHEN SHE WAS BEATING YOU.
136. YOUR SON IS NOT EVEN FIVE YEARS OLD, BUT HE HAS HIS EARS PIERCED.
137. YOUR CHILDREN DON'T KNOW THE WORDS TO "PUNCHINELLA" OR MISS MARY MACK," BUT THEY KNOW THE LYRICS TO ALL OF SNOOP DOGG'S RECORDS.
138. YOUR CHILDREN GO TO SCHOOL SMELLING LIKE HOT BACON GREASE.
139. YOU PAY MORE FOR YOUR CHILD'S SNEAKERS THAN YOU DO FOR THEIR CHILDCARE.
140. YOU PINCH YOU NEWBORN'S NOSE TO MAKE IT THIN.
141. EVERY CHILD IN THE FAMILY HAS A DIFFERENT LAST NAME.
(NOTE: THIS IS NOT A CRITICISM OF SINGLE MOTHERS. IT IS, HOWEVER, A CRITICISM OF THE FACT THAT SHE DOESN'T THINK HER NAME IS BETTER THAN THATOF THE FATHER WHO HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HIS OWN CHILD.)
142. YOU USE ABORTION AS A FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL.
143. YOU EVER PLAYED DODGE BALL.
144. YOU EVER RAN A RACE BAREFOOT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET AT APPROXIMATELY ELEVEN AT NIGHT.
145. YOU EVER PLAYED KICK THE CAN.
146. YOU EVER PLAYED KNUCKLES.
147. YOUR BASKETBALL HOOP HAS A RIM BUT NO NET.
148. YOU THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE A GYMNAST BECAUSE YOU COULD DO A HIGH FLIP ON A PISSY MATTRESS THAT SOMEBODY THREW OUT.
149. YOU'VE EVER PLAYED RED-LIGHT-GREEN-LIGHT.
150. YOU'VE EVER CHEATED IN A GAME OF MOTHER MAY I.

You know You're Ghetto If....
(Reasons 151-250)

151. you wear dirty clothes and spray perfum on them to make them smell good.
152. you only have money for 2 rims, and you put both on the driverside.
153. you turn on your system and your trunk rattles from the bass.
154. you put pancakes with syrup in a ziplock bag and bring on the bus.
155. you drive around a school parking lot with your music blasting and you think that you are the man.
156. you buy your girlfriend flowers from shoprite.
157. you make sure everyone sees your pager.
158. you set the alarm on your pager to go off and fake that you got a page.
159. when you recline your car seat so far back you can hardly see, just to get your proper lean on.
160. when you put put flash lights on a car with no headlights.
161. no matter how ugly your ride is the first thing you get is some rims.
162. no matter how ugly your car is the second thing you get is a system.
163. you have cars parked on your front lawn.
164. have a three bedroom house and 20 people live there.
165. have a fur coat and you're riding the bus.
166. you own a copy of "Menace 2 Society" with the numbers running at the bottom.
167. your rims cost more than your car is worth.
168. you fail a drivers test.
169. you describe people by their gold teeth.
170. you have considered getting a gold tooth.
171. your four year old can't talk, but can do the Tootsie Roll.
172. you constantly use *69 on your telephone and you say "Did you just call here?"
173. you ask if the Dollar Store accepts checks.
174. you rob house your neighbors house.
175. you don't freeze your flavor ices and just drink them on thoose hot summer days.
176. you can't afford milk so have to put water in your cereal.
177. you dont get accepted to the army.
178. you spraypaint your rims gold.
179. the finger nails on one hand are 2 inches longer than the ones on the other hand.
180. your milk label says "add water."
181. you own a towe-down car with an alarm.
182. you turn down the proposal but the engagement ring.
183. you wrap your presents in newspaper.
184. you keep food stamps in a money clip.
185. you chew ice.
186. you bring your own snacks to the movies.
187. you wash your paper plates
188. when you wrap your presents in newspaper.
189. you eat chicken and biscuts for breakfast.
190. you bring your own catsup to a resturant.
191. you can trace relatives as for back as fifth and sixth cousins.
192. you serve mustard greens and hamhocks on Thanksgiving.
193. your tracks melt in the heat.
194. you've had your rent to own furniture for more than eight months.
195. you use scratched up CD's as coasters.
196. you still think "I believe I Can Fly" is da bomb.
197. when you put clear nail polish on fake jewelry to make it last longer.
198. when your children are also your nieces and nephews.
199. you drive a car with four different hub caps.
200. you were a sequin gown to a church function.
201. the hair on your legs are nappy.
202. you hang out with kids named Scar Daddy, Slop, or Shanky
203. you wanna bang your friends 13 year older sister
204. you've been married 3 times and you still have the same inlaws.
205. you have more than 2 hair styles on one head. (Ex. French Roll on the back right, Crimps on the back-left, Spiral Curls in the front going to one side, and fingerwaves in the front.)
206. when you have atleast four kids out of weddlock.
207. You know you are definitly ghetto when you own Jewelry heavier than a 400 page book.
208. you starch your jeans hard enough to where they stand up like card board on their own.
209. Not only only are you ghetto, but you must be one dumb mofo if your baby brother passes you up in school.
210. You know you attend a ghetto school if they mis-spell "buses" on a sign out front and they don't even bother to change it. (i.e. "busses")
211. you painted car the colors that represent your sorority or fraternity.
212. your skin tone is a deep chocolate and you dye your hair honey blonde.
213. your not only fast, but good ghetto if you are sixteen years old and your daughter is five years old.
214. you put sugar on your frosted flakes.
215. your kids were in your wedding.
216. you call your mama by her first name.
217. you have a car phone and no car.
218. you iron dirty clothes.
219. you've been a guest on Ricky Lake, Jerry Springer, or any other tastless daytime talk show.
220. you wear house shoes to the grocery store.
221. you're nineteen and you just met your father.
222. you use a clothes hanger as a TV antenna.
223. you have a wife and kids but still live at home.
224. you cain't (kant) spell "can't."
225. you still wear anything that says "Whoop There It Is!"
226. you record over previously recorded tapes.
227. your mom does your hair in the kitchen.
228. you don't pay your rent until you get a three-day notice.
229. you put on panty-hose instead of shaving your legs.
230. you buy clothes for a party and return them to the store the next day.
231. you only go to church on Easter and Mother's Day or to meet women.
232. your first name begins with Ta',La', or Sha'.
233. you took the batteries out of the smoke detector to put them in your pager.
234. your bank is a check-cashing and bail & bond place.
235. you have to put stuff on layaway at the 99-cent store.
236. your man can wear his hair in a ponytail but you can't.
237. you is hooked on ebonics.
238. you think putting batteries in the refrigerator recharges them.
239. you had to be in the house before the streetlights came on when you were little.
240. you take bubble baths with dishwashing liquid.
241. you return gifts for the money.
242. you yell "Pookie" in your house and five people turn around.
243. you think going to prison is "Keeping it real."
244. you save cooking grease.
245. the only dates marked on the calendar are the 1st and the 15th.
246. your mama whipped you and your friends.
247. you keep food stamps in money clip.
248. you think grease and water wil make your hair curly.
249. you wear tube socks with dress shoes.
250. you add water to shampoo to stretch it.
251. You put your kids to sleep with NyQuil.
252. You use your welfare check as collateral.
253. You can read your haircut.
254. You use a toothbrush to style your "baby hair".
255. You named your daughters after cars you can't afford.
256. You bought your rims before you bought your car.
257. Your fingernails are longer than your fingers.
258. You think jury duty is a good way to make money.
259. You think going on a diet means no candy.
260. You have a drawer in your kitchen just for condiments from fast-food restaurants.
261. You steal free samples at the store.
262. You've ever stole a 40oz. from the liqour store.
263. You use plain rubbing alcohol as deoderant.
264. You throw a pool party using a fire hidrent.
265. your kids ask you for food stamps to go to the candy store.
266. You know you ghetto if you sneak a 40oz. into church.
267. Your grandma is less than 39 years old.
268. You don't have a birthday cake so you out candles on a pizza.
269. You carry a bottle of hot suace in your purse.
270. You moved out of state to go to community college.
271. You own ANY hair beads.
272. "You know your ghetto when the first word to come out of your mouth is YO" (submitted by "Jose")
273. You eat a sandwich that does not contain any meat.(i.e. mayonnaise sandwich).
274. You are grown when you finally find out that milk doesn't come from a white powder.
275. You try to use old soap residue to make a new bar of soap.
276. You wear anything that says anything simular to, "Ain't No Limit" or "RIP Tupac".
277. your address is written on the front of your house in chalk.
278. your moms turns on the stove to heat the house.
279. you know what a 'choke' sandwich is.
280. you remember the dance Rerun used to do on 'What's Happenin.'
281. you use duct tape to hold your sneeks together.
282. you rip brand name labels off old jeans and sew them on no-name jeans.
283. you use rubberbands to hold up your socks.
284. you feed your dog left-over grits and spoiled food.
285. you have a hot plate in your closet.
286. you are stupid enough to light a firecracker in your pocket.
287. your pops is fixing up the house and it is constantly under construction.
288. you see old men sitting on the steps in boxer shorts.
288. you buy candy wax lips.
289. your moms has that type of plastic covering on the furniture that can cut you.
290. you have a hologram of Jesus on your wall. Look at it one way, he has his eyes open. Look at it another and his eyes are closed.
291. your moms has a velvet painting hanging in the living room with a nude black woman on it with a zodiac sign.
292. you did a backspin on concrete.
293. your mother still thinks Teena Marie is the bomb.
294. your pops still owns a Parliament Funkadelic album.
295. Koolaid is the only drink in the house.
296. you play basketball on a milk crate...or a cardboard box.
297. you make a slingshot or top shooter.
298. you remember when Atari was the bomb.
299. you painted the stripes on your shell-tip adidas.
300. you owned a pair of Cazals.
301. moms used to use her saliva to wipe your face.
302. you know who the 5 Deadly Venoms are. (If you can name them, email me)
303. you did not care what people said about your pops but you lost your mind when they said something about your moms.
304. you threw your old sneakers up on the telephone wires.
305. a fried baloney sandwich was given to you as a treat.
306. you had blocks of government cheese in your freezer.
307. you saw 'Cooley High' in the movies.
308. you filled a bucket up and threw water in an open bus window as it was passing by.
309. you remember when your moms took you to the movie and she brought potato salad, fried chicken and a big bag of chips.
310. you have been chased home way too many times.
311. you get spooked while camping in the woods because there are no street lights.
312. you had to be in the house before the street lights came on.
313. you used to wear parachute pants.
314. you think you are in the suburbs everytime you see grass.
315. roaches are viewed as household pets.
316. There is a resturant in your hood that serves chitlins, mustard greens and ham hocks, or neck bone with rice and gravy.
317. you have a hospital bed in your house.
319. you and your brother wear the same clothes.
320. you jerk and pop it to full gospel music.
321. you sample R&B music for new full gospel music.
322. you shout in church just to see how long the ushers take to get to you.
323. you have a home made license plate on the back of your car.
324. you ride around with a plastic bag in place of the missing window for a week.
325. you wear your PE uniform to school.
326. you eat rice and eggs for breakfast and dinner.
327. you ever told your kids Santa Clause was on a fixed income.
328. you ever stuffed your kids' stockings with charcoal on Christmas Eve.
329. you and your mother are fighting over the same man.
330. you have ever worn a gold chain with a Mercedes symbol.
331. you have ever worn stirrups, pumps, and socks, all at the same time.
332. you have ever worn a vest with glitter.
333. correction- you've worn anything with glitter on it.
334. you still get Easter outfits.
335. you wear it to school on Monday.
336. you wear leg warmers and a skirt.
337. you refer to getting drunk as any of the following; Messed up, Toasted, Towe-Up-From-Da-Flo'-Up, nice, ripped, buzzed.
338. you spell GIRL: Gurl, Grrl.
339. your lampshade still has plastic on it.
340. your mama has the plastic on her furniture that can cut you.
341. you leave you X Mas lights on all year.
342. you have faux wood paneling wallpaper.
343. you have more dishes in your bedroom than in your kitchen.
344. you've actually invited someone to talk to your hand.
345. you've called a radio station for any reason but to request a song.
346. you light your cigarette on thr stove.
347. you have a brother who thinks his name is "Brother".
348. you ever used the word, "biotch", "bizznatch", or "hoochie".
349. your car has more than three things broken.
350. your car is more than 8-feet long.

351. none of your socks match.

352. you & your man/girl wear matching outfits.
353. you wear sun shade indoors.
354. your flourescent pager mathches the weave in
your ponytail.
355. you have more gold in your mouth than Fort Knox.
356. you unbutton shirt down to your navel.
357. you shave your eyebrows, then draw them back on.
358. you think of vaseline as make up.
359. everyone says your uncle (who is in jail), is
away for a while.
360. you have soda and chips for breakfast.
361. you burn toast and scrape off the black.
362. you talk on the phone while on the toilet.
363. you talk back to the tv.
364. you cook dinner at 1 AM.
365. you make your guest come in the side door.
366. you tell people to page you, but you never call
them back.
367. you always have a toothpick in your mouth.
368. you're looking for a brother or a sister to pay
your rent.
369. you ever say, "I'll slap the taste out of your
mouth.".
370. you ever call your friends; homey, holmes, dawg,
my brotha, money, slim slice, shorty, G, girl,
boy, brotherman, sistergirl
371. you ever say, "I know dats right".
372. you ever say, "True dat".
373. you ever say, "Whatever floats your boat".
374. you ever say, "I'm gonna open up a can of whoop
ass on you".
375. you pay your telephone bill at the nearby Piggly
Wiggly.
376. your nails are so long people often wonder,
"How the hell does she wipe her @$$?!?!?!"
377. you comb your childs hair on the front step.
378. you do anyone's hair on the front porch.
379. your neighborhood has it's own drunk.
380. your dog is more than three different breeds.
381. you have an aquarium with no fish.
382. you look for change in other peoples sofa.
383. you leave change around for hard times.
384. you ever say, "You go girl!".
385. you call in sick ever Friday before each Holiday.
386. you tell your boss all of your business.
387. you use the bathroom at work like you do at your
house.
388. you have a desk full of snack food.
389. your kids have to blow their Nintendo to make it
work.
390. you had to sleep four to the bad when you were
young.
391. all the pictures on your wall are crooked.
392. your wedding colors were camoflauge patterns.
393. the police know your address by heart.
394. you talk on a cell phone in a night club.
395. you and your co-workers discuss what you do in
bed.
396. "Mybabydaddy" or "Mybabymama" is the name of
your significant other.
397. you consider arts and crafts items such as spray
paint, glitter, and glue as hair products.
398. you sleep in a chair so you won't mess up your
hair.
399. you do not have a job, but you are able to get
your hair and nails done on a weekly basis.
400. you do NOT have your own place, do NOT have your own car, and you simply do NOT have
your own anything, but you and your 2 year old have leather coats.
401. you own more than one pair of gold shoes.
402. you have the gold lipstick to go with those gold
shoes.
403. you find yourself in a physical confrontation
because someone stepped on your sneakers.
434. the height of your hair is more than the height if your head.
435. the only skirt you own is a really a pair of denim shorts with a flap across the front.
436. you will only do it "doggystyle" with your mate to avoid messing up your hair.
437. the dentist-installed gold overlay in your mouth spells words.
438. you are male and your hair strongly resembles the bottom of a bathing suit after sitting
on the edge of a concrete pool.
439. you are male and more than 3 girls page you, all using the same code.
440. you get stolen pagers recystalized and sell them.
441. your hair has enough gell, spritz, oil sheen, and "Pump It Up" to consider it a fire harzard
a fire hazard.
442. it's Wednesday and you're still riding around with the flags that represent your university
on your car and the big game was Saturday.
443. you wear Dickies to church.
444. you wear denim skirts to church w/sandals.
445. your child is 5 years old and he/she still eats crackers and dry cereal in church.
446. you bring a switch to church in your "big purse" because your kids are so bad.
447. you only go to church twice a year, on Easter Sunday and Thanksgiving.
448. your mama has ever told you, "You ain't gone party on Saturday night, and can't
get up in mornin'to worship the Lord."
449. you think of full gospel as "Ghetto Gospel".
450. you think a Bible published in ebonics would be a good idea.